Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in malduke's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, December 7th, 2008
7:24 pm	happy 2 year hon :( Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
5:33 pm	it took everything i had not to break down and cry at work today Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 6th, 2008
10:24 pm	in bed you have the number if you want to talk Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: lifehouse, simon (1 Comment |Comment on this)
3:09 pm	wow been a long time, all i have to say is at this point im ready to give up im sick of the same shit, and im sick of people talking about me behind my back, fuck you all and goodnight, you dont want me around i dont want to be around Current Mood: pissed (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
2:07 pm	i was hoping for batman but this will do You scored as Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones is an archaeologist/adventurer with an unquenchable love for danger and excitement. He travels the globe in search of historical relics. He loves travel, excitement, and a good archaeological discovery. He hates Nazis and snakes, perhaps to the same degree. He always brings along his trusty whip and fedora. He's tough, cool, and dedicated. He relies on both brains and brawn to get him out of trouble and into it. </td> Indiana Jones 88% Captain Jack Sparrow 83% Neo, the "One" 75% Maximus 67% Batman, the Dark Knight 67% James Bond, Agent 007 67% The Amazing Spider-Man 58% William Wallace 58% Lara Croft 58% El Zorro 42% The Terminator 33% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 25th, 2007
4:56 pm	lol fucking awesome http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exDo2SMdB-0&eurl= (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 7th, 2006
7:57 am	S.P.D EMERGENCY!! just got my christmas present from scott and its awesome, i think im gonna have a lot of fun with this Current Mood: entertained Current Music: a myriad of power rangers music (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
7:23 pm	i swear somedays im the only one who works there well i think the subject line says it all... 2 days in a row now its fallen on my shoulders to keep that fucking store in running order, 2 days that i have had to take on the workload of 3 or 4 people and have been expected to get it done in no time... this job is killing me liz gave me a half hour long massage last night to kill all the knots in my back and today they are back just as bad if not worse... i cant wait till my next review i am gonna rip some people apart if i dont get what i feel i deserve, either way im gonna have a fewe words to say... holidays there this year are gonna suck i know it Current Mood: pissed and sore Current Music: something really angry like slipknot or something (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
3:45 am	I will answer the wind I will leave with the tide I’ll be out on the road Every chance I can ride No matter how far No matter how free I’ll be alone If you’ll wait for me There’ll be times when I’ll rise There’ll be times when I’ll fall There’ll be times when its best to say nothing at all Knowing you’re right Letting it be I’ll be around If you’ll wait for me If you’ll wait for me And I’ll fight for the right to go over the hill If it’ll only mean something to me I will not be persuaded I wont be still I’ll find a way to be free In the cool of the night In the heat of the day If you’re ever in doubt I’ll be on my way Straight to your side I guarantee I’ll be around If you’ll wait for me If you’ll wait for me Current Music: bob seger--wait for me (Comment on this)
Friday, November 10th, 2006
6:12 am	so i havnt left my house in over 24 hours ive spent most of the time in my room playing ff12, i like some of it and i dont like some of it ive completly reverted to my middle school self, sitting alone all day playing video games and i dont care. i think i live to work now, thats about all i really do well. maybe i should go full time at tjs i practically run my store as it is, im so sick of retail. asshole customers, a platoon of new rookies, me doing most of the work in the store. im so sick of it. work and video games thats my life now. meh what do i care its a living Current Mood: none Current Music: none (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 8th, 2006
4:55 am	my decision as some or all of you may know ive been dealing with a shitload of conflicting emotions recently and ive come to a decision... fuck relationships, fuck love, ill never find happiness looking to get it from someone else... it was foolish of me to think i could overcome destiny, this is mine there are 2 types of people lovers and fighters... i think we all know which one i am... that being said i once again realize that i am not meant to have anyone to love i am meant for the battlefield... "burning fires burning lives down the long distant roads, through the lost mountains endless so far away from home, WARRIORS SOLDIERS FOREVER we fought long ago WEER ALL LOST IN THE DARKNESS SO FAR AWAY FROM HOME" wanting love made me weak, finding it made me weaker, losing it all but killed me simple problem simple solution... remove the element that causes weakness... "im irish we never change anything we just keep going on like nothing is wrong" always wondered why im like that apparently its the stubborn mick in me Current Mood: none Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 7th, 2006
4:10 am	I see a red door and I want it painted black No colors anymore I want them to turn black I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes I have to turn my head until my darkness goes I see a line of cars and they're all painted black With flowers and my love both never to come back I see people turn their heads and quickly look away Like a new born baby it just happens ev'ry day I look inside myself and see my heart is black I see my red door and it has been painted black Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue I could not foresee this thing happening to you If I look hard enough into the settin sun My love will laugh with me before the mornin comes I see a red door and I want it painted black No colors anymore I want them to turn black I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes I have to turn my head until my darkness goes Hmm, hmm, hmm,... I wanna see it painted, painted black Black as night, black as coal I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black Yeah! Current Mood: blank Current Music: rolling stones-- paint it black (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 6th, 2006
3:50 am	When all else fails ill have trust and faith in one thing above all else... my proud fist Current Music: reckless fire (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 17th, 2006
5:22 am	what is love? i used to think i knew what it is, i even had i once... i want a family and i want kids... but do i want love i just dont know any more... i see happy couples everywhere, at work, with friends, even here at home... but the sick part is i look at the inevitable end, either way it must end either by break up or death... i think too much, i work too much, and i dont live enough... "Ohhh once in a lifetime take a chance at the right time the glory to see" but how will i know when its the right time to take a chance i mean you all know im not really that good a gambler... the chips are down and i dont know if my 3 of a kind is a good enough hand to pull the trigger, is it time to go all in or to lay it down and cut my losses... and do i even care, i fucking hate being human sometimes, damn conflicting emotions... do i need love, or do i just want it... i ask myself that question everyday cause i know i cant handle something like ehat i went through with julie again... big tough guy eh, some ultimate badass, yeah im great in a fight but im terrible in love... maybe i was right, perhaps im meant to protect and fight and to only love from a distance so others can be happy, that would be worth it... my own happiness is inconsequential i now live to serve others maybe then i can find peace Current Mood: confused Current Music: dont know (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 14th, 2006
7:12 pm	what it means to be a guardian since my very early childhood i have known it was my place to protect those around me, i am a guardian. Now most people dont fully understand what it means to be a guardian. Its not just shielding them from physical harm, its also aiding them in timesa of mental or emotional turbulance. So i would like to say right now anyone reading this has my ear any time they need it as well as my sword. Till they day i die it is my duty to save those who need it. Hell the name William comes from old english meaning "willing protector" i was born into this role and i am proud to be one of the many who give all for others. That being said i now have a new mission, i must find the one who needs me and help them to achieve happiness. I dont know who it is yet but i have the feeling i will soon. Current Mood: stoic Current Music: Dragonforce--valley of the damned (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
3:00 am	the true me is back in full force the warrior hath ruturned On a cold dark winter night, hidden by the stormy light A battle rages for the right, for what will become In the valley of the damned, a warrior with sword in hand Travels fast across the land, for freedom he rides And the sign from the master on high He screams aloud and across, hear the cry For the kingdom of fire and ice And the power to be alive Be strong ride on, carry on through the war Come along carry on, living for ever more On the wings of death, by the hands of doom By the darkest light, from the darkest moon Crossing silent seas, over mountains high For we stand as one tonight (Chorus) On the black wind forever we ride on together Destroying your evil with freedom our guide When the master will storm us He stands high before us Our hearts filled with splendour Our swords will shine over the light In the valley of the damned Day breaks with golden strand Over pastures green it glows To where night returns In the shadows faces appear Warriors wearing full metal gear Join together one and all before the glorious light Rise up, gather round, come and hear what is said Use your senses open your mind don't you ever forget On the wings of life, by the hands of hope By the brightest light from the brightest sun Crossing silent seas over mountains high To the valley of the damned! (Chorus x3) Current Mood: powerful Current Music: dragonforce--valley of the damned (Comment on this)
Monday, October 9th, 2006
8:27 pm	just a story idea ive been working on first draft of crap As he sat there in the tavern, he was staring at nothing but the level of the mead in front of him. It was almost as if the alcohol reflected his past and his memories the more he looked into it. Everyone knew him, they had all heard the stories of the sole survivor of the battle of Enguard. Five years have passed since then, five years of nightmares and alcoholism. He was once known as the greatest warrior in the world, hed never lost a battle. Sure hed been injured in his travels his body now stiff and sore with arthritis, his flesh covered in scars, but he didnt care he just wanted the nightmares to end. Five years have passed since he strode out of that blood soaked wasteland the only man alive, and on that day he vowed to lay down his sword. He swore that hed never kill again... He sat in the tavern drinking himself oblivious every night, once a great wealthy man now just a piss poor drunk trying to forget. He finished his drink and ordered another, the man serving him knew better than to cut him off, the last time he had nearly lost his right arm. This was how he spent his days now, drinking to forget. He tried to ignore the whispers of the others in the room, "Thats him he is the butcher of Enguard." "Really? He sure dont look like some great warrior, just another drunk ha ha ha.". He had given up, without battles to fight he lost all purpose or drive, and he didnt care all he wanted was to drink himself to oblivion. He vowed not to fight, he was gonna keep his word. But fate has a funny way of making a man break his vows... "RUN! EVERYBODY RUN! ITS GRANDAR THE MERCILESS!" A shouting voiced shattered the peacefull silence of the night. It wasnt uncommon for brigands and thugs to come through town looking for rest or a drink, but this night one particular lowlife chose the wrong tavern and the wrong girl... CRASH!!! the doors flung open and in walked a man in black armor holding a young girl by the throat. "You there, yes i know who you are Butcher Of Enguard im sick of hearing the tales of the "greatest warrior ever" i will prove once and for all that you are nothing copared to me the great Grandar of Boheim". The man at the bar just continued drinking he wasnt interested in this over-confidant fool. "Hey im talking to you filth you will fight me or the girl will die.". "Whatever i dont even know her kill her for all i care." he slurred out "Im done fighting this is my life now please leave me be." Just then the bartender recognized the girl as the maiden from the shrine at the south end of town "Look at her if you dont do something she is going to die and her blood will be on your hands...LOOK AT HER GODDAMNIT!". With that he slapped the drink away from his hand and forced him to look at the terrified girl who was begging for her life. "Goddamnit Bantau DO SOMETHING!". "Ah so it IS you i heard rumors you lived in this dirt town as a drunk now i can see the rumors are true, in this state you will be no match for me!" bellowed Grandar it was then Bantau got his first real look at the girl, he was shocked "She looks so much like her..." he thought and thats when the memories came flooding back to him, that was when he remembered what he had spent five years trying to forget. He remembered why he slaughtered hundreds of men at Enguard, why he willing gave his soul to Cali, the Goddess of war, why he chose the life of a berserker... well thats all for now please if you read it leave me feedback on what is good what sucks and what you think i can do to improve Current Mood: creative Current Music: Dragonforce--Sonic Firestorm (the album) (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 8th, 2006
3:23 am	the guy code so fucking true 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss' car. (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". (e) When she is using her teeth. 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies. 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it! (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! (c) Another set and we can hit the showers! 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs. 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. 29: Pull out We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below. "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?" "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!" Current Mood: entertained Current Music: yngwie malmsteen--ill see the light tonight (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 7th, 2006
3:44 pm	ever hear exactly the song you needed to here right when you needed to hear it? so im sitting here waiting to go to work listening to dragon force and the song "Once In A Lifetime" plays and everything became clear to me... i need nothing but me to be happy, i am strong enough to do what i want i am the best i can be if that aint good enough the so be it but i dont need to be better or the best only me... i can feel my power and confidance returning and i know now nothing can stop me i have stuff i need to do and i will do them... 1) clean my room 2) get my license 3) go back to school for carpentry those are my priorities as of now and i plan to have number one done this week, 2 by the end of november at the LATEST and 3 will be next september... i AM the Alpha Omega, the begining and the end, and i am complete i feel like me again and nothing will stop me welcome back Bill ive missed you ;) these are the lyrics to the song i know some parts seem negative but thats exactly the point streangth and determination in the face of adversity... Dark clouds and thunderstorms in the fires and flames were born Through darkness traveling on the night Hellfires and rain will fall time is coming for us all Our journey for the guiding light Firelight it is burning so bright in the dark of the night As we fight for the glory tonight there's nowhere to hide On the wings of your destiny brings all the power you crave Careful now if not you then who else will we save Lost in this world a total stranger Death by the sword a common danger you know that everything is not what it seems March on all night forever searching Daylight ahead is only lurking Break through the walls and use the power of your dreams Ahhhhhhhh,Once in a lifetime take a chance at the right time the glory to see Rise up for the time of your life Now the time has come for you to be free In the minds of society we all live in harmony Truth is that we all die in vain You stand for what you believe I kill for what I conceive Is there then a title for this game? Far away in the wastelands of hell full of torment and pain Demon knights riding over the heights where the fallen are slain Violent fury of firestorming death now no life will prevail Now you live all your days in the fires of hell Lost in this world a total stranger Death by the sword a common danger You know that everything is not what it seems March on all night forever searching Daylight ahead is only lurking Break through the walls and use the power of your dreams Ahhhhhhhh,Once in a lifetime take a chance at the right time the glory to see Rise up for the time of your life Now the time has come for you to be free Woahoooo (follows rythem of normal verse) ooohh.... Firelight it is burning so bright in the dark of the night As we fight for the glory tonight there's nowhere to hide On the wings of your destiny brings all the power you crave Careful now if not you then who else will we save Lost in this world a total stranger Death by the sword a common danger you know that everything is not what it seems March on all night forever searching Daylight ahead is only lurking Break through the walls and use the power of your dreams Ahhhhhhhhh,Once in a lifetime take a chance at the right time the glory to see Ahhhhhhhh,Once in a lifetime take a chance at the right time the glory to see Rise up for the time of your life Now the time has come for you, Now the time has come for you, Now the time has come for you to be free the time has come for me to be free Current Mood: rejuvenated Current Music: dragonforce--once in a lifetime (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 6th, 2006
1:20 am	lol Your Love Element Is Metal In love, you inspire and respect your partner. For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience. You attract others with wit and a bit of flash. Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you. Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life. You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past. You connect best with: Earth Avoid: Fire You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other What Element Is Your Love? lol avoid fire, julie was a fire type Current Mood: i dont know Current Music: metallica--i disappear (1 Comment |Comment on this)